Crazy week at work, starting with a 13.5 hour day… I did get in a very short run, very short because it started pouring 10 minutes in so I ran like the wind back to the office, saturated and a bit annoyed that the 20 minutes I get to myself during the day were eliminated due to weather.
We had a super formal event in the evening (hence the long day and annoyance at limited running opportunity) so there was a lot of final touches on speech notes, last minute phone calls, meetings, negotiations and all the rest of the fun that comes with running an event. A catered event of course, and when I asked what was on the menu (finger food and drinks after the formal part of the evening had ended) I was snapped at by my colleague for asking… in other words, it was all shit food. A senior colleague, who asked the same question, got a slightly less snappy but equally annoyed response “nothing healthy if that’s what you’re asking”.
Knowing this I went and purchased supplies to whip myself up a quick salad for a pre-event dinner (not great forward planning I know – but what are you gonna do?) So I managed to get through my salad in between frocking up and running around doing last minute things.. Not the ideal way of doing things, but best of a bad situation.
I work in a predominantly female environment. Most of them have concerns about their weight, most of them are on diets (did I just describe most of the female population of the developed world?). We all have our own battles to fight and mine is no way near over, and it wasn’t easy. I can see the forest from the trees now though. But I remember how impossible it initially seemed.. then how everything just clicked thanks to Mish changing my brain. Please believe this post doesn’t come from a place of judgement .
As a result of this environment, my colleagues seem to analyse what I eat all the time, or what I’m doing… I get accused of not eating carbs, and what I’m doing is really unhealthy because carbs are important… usually said to me while I’m about to make myself a sandwich… on actual carb loaded bread or eat some fruit.. also full of carbs. (Why is what I put in my mouth their business anyway?)
So you can imagine the reactions when I decline a piece of cake or potato chips or the free staff lunch of pizza… “but it’s on a thin base so it just can’t be bad for you” (they later looked up the value of the pizza on their diet program… my argument was won without having to open my mouth… Yep my Bunless Burger was definitely the best choice for lunch to sustain me) “YOU CAN’T EAT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME YOU KNOW” “YOU’LL NEVER SUSTAIN WHAT YOU’RE DOING, ITS ALL GOING TO COME UNDONE”. Thanks for the vote of confidence. (Women really can be bitches!)
Let me digress for a moment and talk of food…
The thing is, I’m a bit of a “wanker foodie”; I like shopping at farmers markets, I like artisan food producers, I love cooking my own food to my own palate… most of all I love going to good restaurants (MoVida is a real favourite) and if I’m going to have a treat, it’s going to be food that I actually enjoy eating, where every mouthful is like heaven. I don’t do this every night, but I eat out at least once a week and I enjoy it. I avoid really poor choices (deep fried), but other than that, no holding back. So, if I’m going to have some pizza, it has to be reaaallllly good traditional, properly made… I’m Italian and don’t recognise pizza hut/haven/dominos/mojos as pizza.
Anyhow, I ate my salad and my colleague who had also asked about food choices had some toast around 5. By the time formalities ended, around 8pm she was famished and I was still going strong (also the food looked awful).
She started picking at the mini pizzas and meatballs and came up to me a half hour later and said, the pizzas are really nice, they’re so small surely they can’t be so bad for you… “I’m so hungry do you think I should have another?”
Despite how this post might sound, I’m honestly not judging her – this post comes from a place of annoyance at action toward me, not judgement on choices. I hate being put in a position where I’m contributing to someone’s decision which will eventually end in guilt. In this situation there is no right answer. So I did the only thing I could think of, I said “Are you eating because you’re hungry, or because it’s there?” and I felt so mean… and angry at the same time.
I get called a “bitch” in a half joking/half serious way, because of how I look these days. I try and offer advice about things when asked but generally try not to engage in the conversation for too long because it always goes pear shaped.
In 12 months I have lost an entire human being and gained a lifetime. I have saved my relationship, my headspace and my life. It was HARD. The withdrawals, the tiredness, being able to spike past my max heart rate by jogging on the spot for 30 seconds. Burning 1000 calories in every single training session… a total of 20 minutes. Dropping massive amounts of weight in a week because of the pure amount of shit I put my body through prior to starting this program… That is actually not something to be proud of. It all leads to one thing. A very unhappy and morbidly obese woman. And now, I’m an overweight and obscenely “crazy eye” happy woman with a little way to go and a lot of life to live. Let me enjoy my wins and stop trying to infect me with your negativity. I don’t comment on their food choices, I don’t comment on their exercise habits because its none of my business… and quite frankly, health is a very self-centered thing… and I have my own shit to worry about.
Bee's 12wbt journey 